Breaking bad habits; acquiring new ones

I am a communicator. It's what I do. Some days, it seems that I have verbal diarrhea. I just can't stop talking. Complaining. Processing. Emoting. I feel like if I hold it all in, I'll explode. For some reason, I think people care about my opinions, my feelings, my ideas. And maybe they do. Sometimes. But probably, more often than not, they don't care. And it is probably unreasonable for me to expect most people to be interested. Especially when I'm complaining. Even if it's complaining through sarcasm. Or with a grin spread across my face.

And I do feel that I complain. A lot. It's not that I want to be negative all the time. Truly, I don't. And most of the time my complaints come from a good intention. Something that I think needs to be changed or improved upon. It's just that I'm not so good at framing my thoughts. Instead of pointing out the way it could be fixed, I point out what's wrong. Instead of acknowledging the mostly good things that are happening in my life, I fixate on the bad.

I realize that this habit makes my life a lot unhappier than it has to be. And I realize, also, that it's not necessarily a bad thing to criticize or point out something wrong. So why do I feel guilty when I do it? And how can I break the habit of dwelling on the least awesome things in my life as opposed to the most? And how can I continue to get my ideas across, but be more positive about it?

There a few people in my life now who are a few years older than me. A few people who do a really good job making enemies at work. Or who are no fun to work with because everything is always wrong. A few people who are very set in their ways. Their very very negative ways. I might even go so far as to call them bitter. I hate working with them. And other people do, too. I see a bit of myself in them and worry... Is that my future? Is that the kind of person I'm going to be if I continue to be so... critical. And negative. And expressive.

I realize that I have all these faults. And that they don't make me the most fun person to be around, especially in a work environment. But apparently self awareness isn't enough. I need to move on to changing my thinking in a pretty fundamental way... How does one go about that?

My blog is having an identity crisis!

I guess that the term "axis of evil" has become about as outdated as GWB's presidency. He has become a lame duck, and so has that term apparently. With Iraq, though still in the midst of war, but apparently also in the throes of "democratic" change, off the list, and North Korea getting downgraded from State Terrorists and Rogues to... well, what is that they are now? An unfriendly regime? At any rate, Iran is the only country left in the axis, so it isn't much of an axis anymore, is it? (Aren't we going to invade them soon anyhow?)

Not only that, but I don't even live in South Korea now. I don't know where I live. And furthermore, I don't know what I do. I'm not even sure that I have anything interesting to say.

It may be time to disappear. Re-design. Turn my brain back on. And then re-emerge.

So long, internets... until we meet again!

This week:

• Run-away Llama!
  
• Moose sighting!
• Goat Cheese Making!
• Rainy Scooter Riding!
• Sheep herding!
• Cow Corralling!
  
• Korean Speaking! (in vermont!)
  
• Finally! Fresh Local Food eating! (I grew it!)
  

Yup, it's been a pretty exciting week.