Sunday, February 3, 2008

Anxiety and Freedom

I spent yesterday evening with one of my favorite people in Korea, my good friend and former roomate, Kang Yong. No matter what is going on in my life, Kang Yong can always get a smile out of me and yesterday was no exception. His humor is subtle and he actually speaks quietly and not all that often, but he has a way of making me think. And here are some of the things I realized when I hung out with him yesterday:

*Going home does make me feel anxious. Because even though I'm excited about being in Vermont, it seems like it's going to be a hard place to live. How can I make enough money to stay there? (or what if I can't make enough money to get out again?) What if I can't afford health insurance? What happens if I get sick or hurt? While those things didn't concern me all that much 10 years ago, they are very important to me now. Living and working in the United States kind of represents for me a return to financial instability and insecurity.

*BUT I am American, and I'm a native English speaker, which basically means that I have the freedom to go just about anywhere and get a job. And make a decent amount of money while I'm at it. And what that means is that I am already thinking about where I can go next. It's not as though I already have a plan in my head, it's just that I have trouble picturing myself in Vermont past late fall. For one thing, I hate winter there and for another if I have a farm job, it means I'll be unemployed again. God, unemployed. Again. I'm so sick of uttering those words.

*I am boring myself. WW Out.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

Why not come through Vancouver on your way back? Tiff and I have a big inflatable mattress you can use.