bulleted lists are for uncohesive thoughts

• I was thinking yesterday about what I was like when I graduated from college. That was almost 8 years ago now, and at that time I thought somehow I was going to do something important to change the world. I was a good student and all of my professors were quite fond of me. I think it's safe to say that they expected a lot from me. I was one of the those young people that made older people feel comfortable about the future.
• And now I just kind of wonder what happened to me. After political organizing, union organizing, antiwar activizing, and being involved again with migrant workers and unions in Korea, I just feel tired, cynical and jaded. I don't want to try to change the world anymore. My own life is hard enough to deal with, much less trying to take on any systematic problems.
• And that really depresses me. Because it seems that all of those people who expected me to be some kind of amazing person must be disappointed in my ability to be involved in the world any more. And I'm disappointed in myself.
  
• I used to be, well, ambitious. I knew what I wanted and I did it. I always did it. I stood out amongst my peers as a leader, but whenever I actually found myself in a leadership position, I would back out of it or quit. I never trusted myself to make the right decision, and in the end, I was too afraid of making the wrong decision and being held accountable for it.
  
• And now I regret that. If I could manage to get some of that energy back, I would want to take charge. I would want to do it my way. Because I think I know how to do it. But then again, that would require me to actually care about something other than my own life. And for some reason, I don't know if I have the capacity to do that anymore.