Some Days, I'm Really Cranky

Like today. And yesterday. And well, pretty much everyday this week.

Ever regret a decision almost as soon as you made it? Ever wonder if you REALLY have to live with the consequences of that decision? I mean, isn't there some way of undoing it?

In case you haven't figured out what I'm talking about, it's work. Again. As usual. I'm so bored with this complaint that I don't even want to write about it, except for the fact that I can't stop obsessing about it.

So you remember the drama about the pregnant girl right? Well, she decided to just drop the whole matter and take whatever the boss gives her, which is fine. I mean, I could have a lot to say about that, but it's her decision and not mine, so whatever. I can't spend the energy being all fired up and pissed off about it if she can't even be bothered. But the drama with the pregnant girl hasn't been the only drama at work. There have been the annoying little issues. There is a know it all boss who criticizes absolutely. everything. we. do. The director hasn't fulfilled all of her contractual obligations to the new teachers. One of the new foreign teachers (a Canadian) is whiny beyond whiny, argumentative for the sake of argument, and a racist, why doesn't everyone like me? kind of guy. Oh, and did I mention exceptionally lazy? Yeah, he's that, too. So you can imagine how I must have felt this week when the director pulled me out of class to have an hour long meeting with me to tell me that I am the leader of the unhappiness at our hagwon; And that everyone is having a hard time with the job because of the things that I say. And that no one trusts her because I told them about how I was fired. Well, excuse Madam Director, but wasn't I fired? And didn't you screw me? And haven't I been working for you illegally for the last 2 months? And isn't one of the teachers working illegally for you now? And don't you listen to everything we say because the whole damn school is miked and on camera and then play it off like one of the other teachers told you those things (which I know for a fact not to be true)?

Okay. I can take some responsibility for telling my story to my coworkers. But it was my experience, was it not? And if she was really worried about it getting out, why would she have hired me again? But isn't she an agent in this situation? She seriously blamed everything on me... Why oh Why do I have to be the scapegoat. Again?

I am sooooooooooo regreting taking this job. I am sooooooooooooo pissed at myself for saying yes. I am soooooooooooooo over working in Korea. And I am sooooooooo not sure if I'm going to be able to finish a year at this school....

And in conclusion, I am soooooooo fucked and confused about what to do.